Introduction

(Begins in traditional Western comic style)

Councilman 1: Mr….Evilsatan, please step forward

Dr: (Steps into spotlight) Uhh…Yeah, it’s Dr. actually.

Councilman 1: Oh, sorry…Dr. Baron von Evilsatan, then?

Dr: Yeah, uhhh can you cut the spotlight? It’s kinda hard to see.

Councilman 2: NEVERRRRR

Dr: K…Sorry…

Councilman 1: Don’t mind my fellow councilman, we seemed to have lost power to all lights except for the one you're standing under and he’s a little upset. Now you’re a recent hire to the Brotherhood are you not?

Dr: Yeah…I came here to apply and was shoved in this room.

Councilman 1: Good, so moving out of country won’t be a problem then?

Dr: Sure, whatever…How do know my name anyways?

Councilman 1: We stole your wallet. Now as an Evil conglomerate, we feel that the time has come to expand to new lands and so you, my friend, are now a proud ambassador of The Brotherhood of Very Very Bad Dudes. Congratulations.

Dr: Does this pay?

Councilman 1: Pack your bags, you’re headed to Japan to sow the Seeds of Evil. Muahahahahahahaha-

Dr: (doesn’t move for two frames through laughter, and then fidgets and finally checks watch).

(few panels of plane flight from U.S. to Japan)

(frame to Dr in airport with luggage and he’s looking for someone)

(Dr. sees a limo driver holding a sign read Dr. Baron von Evil||Satan *Satan is another sign taped to the first)

(Dr. motions to the driver and they meet)

Driver: Good evening sir, and how was your flight?

Dr: Fine, I guess…I don’t know if it’s the jet lag, but something just doesn’t feel right.

Driver: Oh! Right. (fishes inside his pockets and pulls out a remote)

Driver: Here we go. (points remote at reader and *clicks* once. The picture remains the same, but in the upper left corner is written Western Comic [like changing the display on your TV])

(Driver *clicks* again and the entire scene turns into Manga style with MANGA written in the corner)

Dr: Jesus!...What the hell?

Driver: Welcome to Japan!

Dr: What happened to your face? Where are your eyes?

Driver: I’m an auxiliary character not useful to this plot, so I don’t have any details including eyes.

Dr: Then how do you drive?

Driver: Uhhh- (is crushed by a big wooden staff)

Big Dumb Hero: Ah Hah! The villain's henchman is no match for the might of Saiban Justice! (or, as translated into English, Justice Justice)

Dr: What the hell, man? Why did you kill…uhhh…Mr. Driver?

SJ: He is your vile underling and must be destroyed before I defeat you!

Dr: I bet he had kids…

SJ: Now prepare for my-

Dr: Hold on, hold on. How did you even know I was a villain in the first place?

(SJ points to Dr.’s chest and Dr. Looks down. On his chest is a nametag reading: HELLO MY NAME IS: YOUR WORST NIGHTMARE)

Dr: Oh…That…(pause, and then dashes off)

(chase scene where Dr. is running from SJ. First set of frames shows the profile of a sidewalk. Out of the left corner you hear Yahhhhh! And in the third frame you see Dr. run past the camera. The next frame is SJ swinging wildly and lopping off the roof a parked car. The next few frames are Dr. running and screaming with SJ destroying everything but Dr. and spouting one liners about a lack of honor and crap. Dr. ducks into a building and flies up the stairs. Fill next frames of chase until next page where it is a full frame of several flights of stairs with Dr. fleeing and SJ chasing/destroying walls and railings to get at him (also show a path of destruction).

(Dr. finally burst through a door onto the roof and runs to the edge and peers over(it’s really high up so jumping is a no-no) Dr. turns back to see SJ blast open the door.)

Dr: Crap.

SJ: Think you could run from Justice?

Dr: Yeah.

SJ: Silence you Monster! I will cleanse the earth of your filth with my all-mighty Crimson Eagle Lightning Staff Strike Attack!! *SJ ‘powers up and jumps high into the air* YEAHHHH!!!!

*camera zoom out to see a roof top with Dr. cowering and SJ really high into the air (still screaming) next frame is of SJ disappearing into a jet turbine with goofy sound effect (shoomp or something like that). Next frame is of the plane gone and nothing left of SJ except his staff, and a few apparel items. Dr gets up (among the falling debris) and stares at the Tokyo skyline. The next frame is of the title “Dr. Baron von Evilsatan” coming into view.

Dr: Hey look, it's my name.

Can't wait for the drawing...

That's awesome. The TV Display thing is a good idea.

I thought the part where he said `k...sorry`was kind of funny.

You should change the font, and put in tighter capitalization, et cetera, to make it read better, and feel more interesting on the eyes.

I liked it a lot overall, but there's some screws that need to be tightened. I'll try and take it up soon and get back to you (and if I don't, bug me until I do). I think that your writing for the Defiant was excellent, but maybe your a bit more uncomfortable here? I dunno, it was just the kind of feeling I got.

actually quite the opposite, since this was my first project and the jokes come a lot easier to me than serious plot and unique violence.

It's not so much the jokes - the jokes are great, but the pacing feels slightly lax. It's all very loose, as opposed to snap-snap-snap.