Disclaimer and Part I

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Disclaimer and Part I

Post  Defiant_We_Stand on Tue Jul 08, 2008 3:06 am

Disclaimer: Stop! this is just going to get dumber. Do you really want read this worthless crap?

Of course you do. Now, this manga is all about breaking the rules of anime and manga...or poking fun at them...or ludicrous explanations as to why they exist, so on and so forth. If you are offended by rooting for a crappy villain, cliche plot twists, small demons dry humping someone's face, or using homosexuals as clubs, then you suck and don't deserve to read this.

(Frame to Dr. at a pay phone)

Dr. No, I’m telling you I lost everything! The second I got off the plane some big dumb hero guy killed my driver and chased me a half-mile from the airport…

Councilman 1: He killed Mr. Driver?!?! But he had kids!
Dr: That’s what I said!

Councilman 1: Damn those heroes! Did you get your luggage back?

Dr: No, it was gone when I got back. Either stolen or picked up by security, and I wasn’t going to explain to them how I managed to smuggle so many explosives, weapons and bottles of evil hand lotion on the plane.

Councilman 1: Things are not looking so good for you.

Dr: It would help if you send me a little money

Councilman 1: Did you lose everything?

Dr: No, I…still have my personal weapon.

Councilman 1: Hmmm…you weren’t armed when we hired you.

Dr: I’m trained in hammerspace weaponry.

Councilman 1: I thought only girls did that…

Dr: NO ONE TOLD ME THAT WHEN I SIGNED UP FOR THE CLASS!

Councilman 1: ok, ok so at least you’re not totally defenseless. What is it exactly? A gun? A Battle Axe? A world-ending Gigalaser?

Dr: I…don’t want to say…it’s kind of embarrassing…

Councilman 1: well whatever it is, don’t be afraid to defend yourself. I don’t want the Brotherhood’s Ambassador looking like a pussy.

Dr: Thanks

Councilman 1: Now you need to find some evil supplies and henchmen. ESPECIALLY henchmen.

Dr: How am I supposed to do that?

Councilman: The Yakuza have an office building nearby. You can probably get what you need there.

Dr: An Office Building? I thought they were organized crime?

Councilman: They are, and they’re so organized they have their own office building. Why do you think they wear suits all of the time?
Dr: Oh…I guess that makes sense, So, you’re going to send me money to buy this stuff from the Yakuza then?

Concilman 1: *click* rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr(dial tone)

Dr: Ok…I guess that’s a no.

(Dr. turns around and sees homeless Phil napping on a cardboard box)

Dr: Awww…(takes off his cape and blankets Homeless Phil with it)

Dr: *pause* (thought) Dammit Dr. you’re a villain! Start acting like one

(Dr. Thinks for a moment, the removes the cape and puts it back on)

Dr: Ha ha! Take that!

Phil: *wakes up* Mehr?

Dr: (frame zoom to Dr’s Scary face) FEAR MEEE!!!

(frame zooms out to show Dr. still in scary pose and Phil unphased)

Dr: Please?

Homeless Phil: Spare some change, sir?

Dr: (Storms off) Never mind!

(scene of Dr. walking down the street. He looks up and notices the sign on a building in big lights “YAKUZA”,

Dr: Subtle…

(Dr. enters and approaches the front desk. The receptionist is busy talking on her phone.)

Dr: Yes, I would like to speak…to…(notices that the receptionist is ignoring him)

Dr: HELLOOOO!?!? (waves at her face, which does nothing)

(Dr. crosses his arms and waits for a few seconds, the moves and returns with a gas can. He soaks the receptionists desk. And lights it on fire. When he notices that she still won’t acknowledge him, and that she has caught fire, he sneaks up the stairs).

(panel to the Yakuza leader at his desk with Dr. in a chair across from him.)

(frame to Yakuza leader)

Leader: So, you’re telling me that you want weapons, supplies AND henchmen for FREE!?!?

Dr: I just said that.

Leader: What?

Dr: I JUST said that I wanted weapons, supplies AND henchmen for free. And then you just said, ‘So you’re telling me that you want weapons, blah blah blah…’. Why did you repeat what I just said?

Leader: Well I…just wanted to make sure that if anyone just so happened to listen in on our meeting and miss everything before that, they would be caught up.

Dr: But no one’s here…

Leader: Well…(looks at camera) never mind.

Dr: So I…don’t suppose you could…y’know…just give me the stuff…right? Cuz that would totally rock and…*Yakuza Leader pulls a gun on Dr* I’m going to di,e aren’t I?

Leader: Why would you ever think that I would help the likes of you and that stupid American organization?

Dr: Professional courtesy?

Leader: Ha ha ha! You would be competition! Stupid Americans! You even came here unarmed!

Dr: Look I’m not stupid, just underfunded and I’m not unarmed.

Leader: Hmmm…hammerspace then? I thought only women used-

Dr: I KNOW I KNOW, dammit I’ve gotten enough crap for it already

Leader: Show me then, and I’ll let you leave

Dr: I don’t want to…

Leader: *repositions gun at Dr.* Then you die.

Dr: Alright. *sigh* here we go *ahem* *Dr. reaches behind his back*

Dr: Aaaand…Hiyaa! *Draws out Ertauq(who is smiling) and holds him like a broadsword by his ankles* (single frame pause, and then the next frame Ertauq waves)

Leader: *terrified look* *and then bursts out into laughter* Your weapon is a regular boy!?!? That’s terrible, you are such a stupid American!

*next frames are a profile of Dr. and the Yakuza leader in conversation with Ertauq in the background*

Dr: Well…he’s not ‘regular’. He’s completely indestructible. He doesn’t talk and he’s a little…*both turn to see that Ertauq has put a lace border around a hanging picture frame* gay.

Leader: This is hardly worth my time and just goes to show how stupid you stupid Americans are. You’re going to die now.

Dr: Ertauq, get ‘em!

*Ertauq throws something at Yakuza Leader (which is blatantly labeled as GLITTER)*

Leader: My EYES!

Leader: *blinded* I’ll get you for this you-

Dr: Stupid American, I know *he and Ertauq leave the office*

(Ertauq now follows Dr. around and for the rest of the comic will often appear, unsummoned)

Dr: Well that sucked. (to Ertauq) I don’t think we’re going to have much success begging from evil organizations. (to himself) but it has to be done. Dammit, this is going to take forever.

*Ertauq tugs at Dr’s sleeve. Dr. bends over and Ertauq whispers into his ear and points at the ‘camera’*

Dr: *straightens up while staring at the camera* Oh, right…failure montage

*this is the failure montage. Here Dr. will approach a blatantly labeled building (i.e. Ninjas R Us) and then it goes to him being laughed at by said organizations leader. The him being dejected and walking a lot the sidewalk. There needs to be at least ninjas, pirates, robots and zombies. This should be interrupted by Dr. robbing a store at Etauq-point (eventually beating the clerk over the head after he’s laughed at) and stealing an armful of Pocky*

Dr: That was pointless... what am I going to do?

*Dr. turns and looks into the window of a pet shot. In the window are Tato and Tori the demons who are giving Dr. the ‘puppy dog eyes’. The price card next the them shows several prices written down in reduced cost and more frantic writing until the last line reads ‘FREE!!!’

Dr: (enters shop) Yes…I was wondering about those…things in the window…

Clerk: Take THEM!!! (throws Tato and Tori at Dr)

Dr: (exits the shop with the demons in his arms) well that went wellAAHHH!!

(Tato latches onto Dr’s face and begins to hump him *with a ‘hump hump’ sound* and Tori crawls under Dr’s shirt)

Dr: (flails about) Stop…OFF…Get that out of my mouth!!...Get out of there!

(Dr finally has both demons in his hands at arms length)

Dr: Look, you’re demons, so you’re going to be my henchmen alright!?! So that means listening to me and staying off of my face and out of my clothes.

(Tato and Tori look at each other)

Dr: Oooorrr…you’re getting fixed. Both of you.

(Tato and Tori yelp and little and look terrified. Then Ertauq snatches the both of them out of Dr’s hands)

Dr: And I guess Ertauq is going to cuddle you now…ok, moving on.

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Re: Disclaimer and Part I

Post  kenro on Tue Jul 08, 2008 8:33 am

Wierd and over the top and i like it. Keep it up.
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Re: Disclaimer and Part I

Post  Spectra on Fri Jul 11, 2008 12:32 am

I like it. Like Ken said it is weird and over the top yet funny. I gotta say If this doesn't get published it will make a perfect tv show. I hope that it gets published and turns into a tv show

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